Monday, February 26, 2007
I have not written here for ages now. My mind's been working on other things more important than this. Though this might have been the best release. Use this as a trashbin to all the shit in my life. There's been a positive moment though, a friend from another town was visiting and we hung out with local friends here. It was nice. Refreshing and a part of me wishes, that I could do it more often, but I am not sure I know how to relax and I'm afraid it'll seem wrong somehow. Oh well. I enjoyed it. I guess that's the thing that mostly counts. Good friends and a pleasurable evening/night. Can't really ask for more from that point.
Now begins the usual whine and occationally maybe say something smart part.
I am going to resign from my job at the shipyard, thought long and hard about it and all I get out of working there is a noose aroud my neck. I want to be able to work, I go and work and exhaust myself near a breakdown, get sickleave, go back again. No point wasting my strenght on such. Now arranging things so that I won't end up with 3months of no financial support.
I've actually managed to arrange all the papers I need for the unemployment office that I need, aside from one paper from work, but that should not be impossible to get, based on what I found out when visiting there today.
Had to ask for money from father, to be able to pay my rent and get a rant on how I should just make it on my own and not contact him only when I need money. I contacted him last week yet he was too busy. Also, I did not wish for this illness. I go through occational moments of having just enough strenght to take care of my pets, much of a less myself and so forth. I'm doing all I can to get my financial situation in order as I would like to make it on my own.
I work hard. Keep myself alive even through the moments when I don't find it worth the trouble. And I really, really put all of my strenght to this. Sorting out my life so I won't have to stress, so that I might actually be able to relax.
Had to take those quickly working sedatives today due to what dad said. The moment I get money from him I will send it back. Felt like telling him to fuck off completely.
I never chose a life like this.
Now begins the usual whine and occationally maybe say something smart part.
I am going to resign from my job at the shipyard, thought long and hard about it and all I get out of working there is a noose aroud my neck. I want to be able to work, I go and work and exhaust myself near a breakdown, get sickleave, go back again. No point wasting my strenght on such. Now arranging things so that I won't end up with 3months of no financial support.
I've actually managed to arrange all the papers I need for the unemployment office that I need, aside from one paper from work, but that should not be impossible to get, based on what I found out when visiting there today.
Had to ask for money from father, to be able to pay my rent and get a rant on how I should just make it on my own and not contact him only when I need money. I contacted him last week yet he was too busy. Also, I did not wish for this illness. I go through occational moments of having just enough strenght to take care of my pets, much of a less myself and so forth. I'm doing all I can to get my financial situation in order as I would like to make it on my own.
I work hard. Keep myself alive even through the moments when I don't find it worth the trouble. And I really, really put all of my strenght to this. Sorting out my life so I won't have to stress, so that I might actually be able to relax.
Had to take those quickly working sedatives today due to what dad said. The moment I get money from him I will send it back. Felt like telling him to fuck off completely.
I never chose a life like this.
