I'm neither for nor against apathy

And I'm supposed to go meet my boss and give him some nice papers on my sick leave, which will once again result in a lot of uncomfortable silence. Wish I knew what he's thinking of me, for all the times I've been away lately. I'd love to be a good employee and work hard and so forth, but it doesn't seem like I've the strenght for it yet. Makes me feel guilty just to go to the workplace and not stay and do my best. Shouldn't be a perfectionist when it comes to my job, but I just can't help it.
The problem I was whining on last night is still there, I want my friends over. I want to have a real friend to chat with or even just have one close. I don't even require speaking at the moment, just a presense. One is avoiding giving me an answer, saying he'll look in to it, others are at work, the only one I could go and meet would likely be drunken through it all, yet he's the only one I could get some actual contact to.
Choices.