I'm neither for nor against apathy

So yesterday was one of the "feeling low" days again, didn't help that I had to get up early to see my shrink and got hardly any sleep. Did plenty of thinking of my life and what I feel I'm missing in it. A boyfriend, someone to share my life with, would be nice. Some people that I'd actually like as friends. Dunno what happened to all of those I spent the evenings at when I was younger, most of them gone and disappeared now. I guess that's how it goes.
Decided to go to work next week then though likely would have gotten myself some more sick leave, feeling rather that I'm a very bad employee for not being there, feeling like I should give it 100% no matter what. Shall see how long I can stay there this time, will of course aim for being able to work till next vacation. Hopefully. Can't understand how I can make things this hard for myself...