I'm neither for nor against apathy

Well. More sick leave for me which means more levels in WoW for my new char I suppose. Started dating a guy, that's a plus, and found a store that sells great dragon figurines. life's ok, I guess I should be feeling ok, but I just feel numb. Just spending time, doing some sports at times, trying to be social. That's all good, no? Dunno why I can't feel much about it though.

So I just got a call from my father putting me on a guild trip I'd not have the strenght for. Mom was to come over this weekend, teach me how to bake and spend time with me, but a guy I'm interested in asked if he could come over, so I told mom "some other time, ok?", apparently it was not ok and she took offence. For as long as I can remember I've been feeling obligied to help mom, listen to mom ranting about things that make her feel bad, basically being the shoulder for her to lean on. I'd not have the strenght for it, but now I should take mother over instead of the nice young man, because if I don't I feel horrid and guilty... even if I do allow her to come over I'll be feeling horrid since I don't really have the strenght for it. A lovely little trap this is. Supposed to decide between my well being and that of those whom I care for... People seem jealous of the fact that me and mom are such good friends, I'd so much rather have her as my mom though...
I'm screwed.

The cats have broken one of my dragon statues during the night, which I'd already lifted as high as possible to keep them from reaching and breaking as they're fragile. I'm angry and tired and lonely.
It seems to more depressed I get the more I have to act and lie to people. I can't just curl up and start to cry, but have to keep a straight face, act proper, so they wouldn't get scared away. Then again I highly doubt I've much of true friends around for real. I've asked help from a few, only one keeps answering and he keeps getting in trouble with his wife. others just seem to ignore me. I wish I could ignore me.
I never really wanted this blog to turn in to a whine fest, but it seems that's pretty much what it is as I promised myself to be honest in it.
I'm so lonely.