I'm neither for nor against apathy

Went out for a walk with Antti and Karri. Which naturally meant alcohol. We went to some quarry and started a comfy little fire, which ended up a bit bigger as time passed. Ate sausages, drank and spoke. I cried a lot, then pulled myself together and cried again. So much fun this is. I did enjoy part of the evening. It was good for me, in it's own way. At some point I was ready to run away though. Too many sore spots being poked at. Not much sleep during the night without meds. Took morning meds, then had to take more to stop the shaking for not taking the evening meds. Ate pizza. Now I feel quite much better physically. Tired as fuck though and no idea what to do with my life. I was really dreaming of a life with him. Why the hell was I so stupid? Part of me wonders if it was because I didn't put out. Heh, was starting to go in to that mood as well, since I trust him. Trust still. Fucking love him. I dunno what to do... But... some lighter moments of last night
Food
Mine warmed up faster (it's the sausage).