I'm neither for nor against apathy

Very tired mentally. Just cycled for over an hour. My butt aches.
Work tomorrow still, then blissfully sleep all through the weekend. When I'm not cycling, that is.

I woke up to a SMS from Daddy, was already late from work, jumped on the next bus that took me there, had work to do so kept myself extremely busy, in the end of the day there was something like 6m of welding to do, I cleaned my machine off, as it wouldn't reach that and left the Russian to finish up. He stopped there, cleared his stuff and went to chat with his fellow Mafia members. I had already cleared my junk away, since I knew he'll stay yet another half an hour and I falsely assumed that he might actually understand to finish the job as that'd mean that piece can be shipped elsewhere. So as I had cleared my gear already and the machines and all, I take Emmi's gear and weld that final few meters, clean after myself, then the machine and air hoses and stuff the boy used. Finally I can leave for home hop for the bus as I've a time for the hairdresser at 4pm, the bus arrives 15 minutes late, I don't know how it can take 15 minutes to turn a bus 300 meters from us, but apparently it can. So the bus is late when it leaves, the driver stops at one stop, letting people out and in and then just sits there. Doors open. Not moving. Naturally I miss the first bus I could take towards home, then I miss the other one. Walk till my legs are ready to give up on me, get cash from the ATM, go inside the hairdresser's and the fucking woman is about half an hour late...
By the time I am home I am fuming. Half an hour of intense cycling took care of that though. Now I'm just totally exhausted with all the anger I've felt through the day.

I had a rather high fever yesterday and spent the day off work. Today we'd have our "christmas party" with co-workers and I'm trying to decide if to go or not. I know I'm still somewhat sick, the fever can't go down all that fast, but I also really want to go there, as I've not got that much of a social life and I really enjoy the company of these people. Trying to decide. Gotta call Heikki once I've decided, as he's promised a ride for me since his kid takes him there by car and I live close to him.
I have spent a weekend drinking while I've been sick. Cheap buzz when one cider takes me down. Now I really don't know what to do. Being social would be important. Really sucks.

So this week I've been a bit too hyped up. Working myself till I feel like fainting, going for a drink and returning to work again. Unable to stop.
Had a fun time last tuesday though. Our subcontractor's employee is working with us, uses a wire that makes a huge mess and doesn't clean up after himself like everyone else does. The next shift doesn't want to clean up his shit. So I wrote down on the wall he was welding "clean after yourself!", all in caps though, brought him a thing to sweep the floors with and a dust pan in a bucket all ready for him to use. He did not though, so I waited till he was leaving for home, chased him down and told him to go clean up after himself, since we won't. He was rather ticked off. Has been a good boy after that though. I think I spent the rest of the day grinning. Bossing people around so that they get a tad angry is fun. I'd never make a good boss like this. Funfun.

I think my work is making me a drunk. Each weekend, after forcing myself to be a good slave and exhausting my mind, I want to get drunken. Joy.

I survived the week. Some trouble with things I thought had been cleared up, did not help my tiredness the least bit. Once surviving the day I got a ride home from Daddy. He was trying to give me money as a "gift" as he put it, since I'm broke and don't really have cash for food for now. At his attempt he managed to say something to really upset me. Really broke me down after a week of keeping myself up by sheer stubborness.
We half sorted it out as he came to visit me and brought me food, since I did not accept the money. I guess I got him worried at being so upset over his words. He didn't mean them, but it still hurts.

Today I spent my time mostly avoiding welding, did some, but really was rather tired and then when Tero left early I got to supervice the robot. I think that was actually nice as it's been so long and I got to know that I can still lift that 20kg of wire high above my head. Round shapes aren't nice for a hold.
I'm alive. Ta.

Today. I worked hard, I guess, can't quite remember. Do remember that the day begun in a shitty manner. Dad sent me a message:"Your mom could bring my computer over as she arrives tomorrow, so you can fix it" to which I answered "I suppose that's how it goes". Going to fucking demand money for it. I have worked long hours this week and the computer arriving means that I'll have to work during the weekend as well. Back to ranting about the morning, after that SMS I went to work, welded some and managed to get a nice weld full of holes. After a search through the machine I notice that someone had tipped the end of the welding thingie to this crease we use to keep the most dirt off it. Plunging the whole thing there means that it clogs the part which lets the safety gas out, which happens to be the essential thing to make the weld hole. Fun thing.
My knee was a bitch again as I could not completely avoid putting my weight on it. In the afternoon I cornered boss to ask for a raise, which I definitely deserve and he said that I atleast keep busy enough with my work. So that doesn't sound all that negative. As the final work I did what the smiths should have done, cleaning the dirt after them walls were cut to shape. Hopefully that seemed good enough for boss as well. I spent 1.5h swimming in my own sweat as I did it. I was going to go and swim after work, but after that rush of doing what I did. Just came home, Daddy visited and I fell asleep when he was here. Was nice of him to visit. Always is. I worry about him though, lots more now after the tests and all. He mentioned that there's something definitely wrong, alzheimer, dementia or something of that sort. I know he's old, but doesn't sound pleasant at all.
Well, I've ranted more than I expected. Guess that's good. Venting things out without paying attention to the fact that I am indeed venting.
Yay and so forth. I fucking need some rest.

So tired, wasn't able to rest though since my body's too restless for it. Tried to spend time on the sofa, then cutting something out for work, which'll not work. So I spent a lot of time on nothing. Feeling like this at the moment:
linkylink
Oh yea, I did draw as well and finally managed a picture I'm still content with after a few days of drawing it.
seahawsie

I'm sure this is going to shock you all. Working over 9h makes one _tired_. I'm preparing food. Then I'll take a shower... Then I'll sleep till I wake up to another day of working nine hours to get my hours done due to being late yesterday... I don't have to, but I have decided to anyway.

So. Had a nice evening last saturday. Went out with friends and drank some, or a lot, but anyway. Was pleasant and very nice to be out of the apartment. After that I spent sunday sleeping and ignoring any phonecalls I got.
Today I woke up sometime after 7am, when I'm meant to wake up at 5am. Was rather ticked, managed to eat an apple and rush for the bus. Luckily we can come up late and work a bit later, so now I have only 1h to work back, though was 2hours late. Going to work it off this week, since it's not all that nice to see -2h on the counter. It was surprisingly easy to work a bit longer, but then again there was lots to do. Well, it was evening shift's work, but they did not try and chase me away, so. All in all I'm a bit hyper right now for having worked lots today and of course not having breaks at all. Nice start for a week, this one. Oh well, we shall see how the rest of it goes.

So I missed Daddy's visit due to having to go downtown. Second week without a person to lean to. Am more than disapointed. Planning to drink a little and see what comes out of it, probably not feeling any better, but I want to drink some. Bought me Baileys to treat me with something tasty. Mayhaps it'll stop me from crying.

I wonder what I might have become if I wouldn't have had to sneak around at my own home due to two "adults" making the whole atmosphere too dark and pressing.
Makes me bitter and sad. Thinking of how things were is painful. Feeling like I would see it properly for the first time now. See and feel.

It's really annoying to be at work now that it's gotten colder. If we don't have any work, we freeze up and keeping warm takes a lot of energy. If we do have work, we really get cold during breaks. I'm pretty sure people will start getting sick rather soon. We hardly had a thing to do today. Me and Hessu welded all of that while others just sat and cleaned a little. Wasn't all that fun for anyone when we ran out of stuff to do. Did find me one thing to work on though, something artsy. Lets see if it comes out the way I hope.
Tomorrow we'll have a meeting if we'll be going for strike on friday. I hope we do. Wouldn't mind a extra day to rest. My mood's not been all that good also the fact that I'm worried about Daddy and still missing Riku, such doesn't really help with my mood.