I'm neither for nor against apathy

Wednesday's over. Worked, visited doc, then been playing NS. Doctor finally came to some sort of a conclusion on what I have and I am now up to five different triangle meds. So that's cool. Might cause some shaking and might not work with one med that I'm already eating, the new one. Also I need to get my bloodwork checked and such in order to see if it decides to try and poison me. Sounds like a fun experience.

It's tuesday. Tomorrow it's work time again. Visited people for a sauna and after that I've been playing, watching TV and sleeping lots. Father visited yesterday, brought me a gift and christmas food. Gift could have been something else, but it is the thought that counts, even though I have to put it away since I've just not got room for any more Eeyore paintings. I guess my plan for today is to continue the way I've spent most of my "holiday" anyway and then I've got to prepare myself for work. Oh joy.

New color. Gods, there's a total stranger looking at me from the mirror. I seem to have green eyes. Weirdness. 

A very tired person keeps looking at me from my mirror. Not quite sure what to do with it. It's another week of work and then a lonely christmas. Not sure what to do with that either. I'd just like to sleep through the days. That'd be easiest...

Today was a... well today was. Felt lethargic all through the day. Welded rather bad, but couldn't care less really. Got a ride home, got treated in a way that I don't appreciate, but didn't really react to that either. Not sure why.
Cycled today again, a bit less than usual since I really should take breaks as well and as I've started to set myself some goals in it, it just is not that much fun anymore. I dunno. Going to keep it up as I don't like my weight gain. Almost considering buying myself a scale to see if this is any use.

Today I managed to make it to work without falling asleep once. I blinked more than enough, but I did not fall asleep. Not that I noticed anyway.
Work was as it usually is, fixed something I'd done wrong and then welded stuff. Actually managed to do some really good looking weld, of the sort I haven't done much, and it seems that I've learned to take it a bit easier when things go wrong. I don't blow a fuse for one bit of weld going wrong. Is good. Less stress on me. I still wonder though. Today I really did a good weld. Looked better than any others. Stared at it and pondered on such. Idunno if I should consider myself good, I dunno if I should be content on it and it does surprise me at times, what I can do once I really put my mind to it.
I suppose I should put my mind more strongly to getting better. A part of me is very tired now. The part that I keep hidden. I try and try and I guess that's the problem. I force myself to stay up and about when I really would need to just let my feelings go. I don't wish to work, I'm tired of work even though I like it, but in my eyes I _have_ to work, or I'm not worthy. Worthy of what, I dunno.

I dunno what kind of a lunatic has designed my training sessions. I am beat. It always feels good, but why did I have to start cycling for over an hour now. Sure hope I'll be getting fit from all this, even if it's fun.
My eyes are all red as if I wouldn't have had enough rest lately. True, I've slept in the bus and nearly passed my gate today as well, but understood through the blur that I was to get up. Really weird, could be the weather. just dark and rainy with a occational windstorm...

Today... I worked hard. Welding and welding. I only keep breaks during the official hours. I should keep more. I drive myself to exhaustion, then travel home and cycle for an hour to boot. Physically that's good, I guess, partly. I don't know if it's good if I keep it up constantly as it makes me so tired.
Today I slept in the bus, past the gate I take all the way to the main gate... and the shipyard aint all that small. Walkies... Was not happy.
Just showered after cycling. Now I'm simply tired. Mh.

So I've been sleeping today. Watching TV with one eye closed as was too tired to keep both open. Pretty muchly woke up around 5pm or so, to watch a movie and cycle. Cycled for an hour and a half. Pretty content with that. It's hard to focus on the fact that tomorrow's a work day. My body is living a saturday at the moment. Oh well. One does what one has to do. Was going to watch Gandhi, but it takes 3 hours and CSI starts in two. So many choices...

Worked a full day for once. Visited the stores and Daddy gave me a ride back and gave me some gifsts for getting this far and keeping on trying. I don't exactly know why he should give me gifts, I'm the one who's in debt.
One person tried to get me out. First I excused myself since I needed to cycle for an hour, I really want to get back in shape, and after that I told him that I can't really drink but maybe one or two ciders due to the fact that I need to take my medication as I want sleep. That put him off then, which is good since he's one of those people that I know, but rather would not. Am too polite to tell such to piss off.
Well... that was today. Tomorrow's our independence day, so it's free. So all I'll do is sleep on the sofa and then cycle and sleep. So that should do with that blog entry then.

Had a workday with absolutely nothing to do. We cleaned the area and stood there freezing. I am tired, but I keep working as one's to work. I cycled for an hour today again. I hope I'll get back in shape somehow.