I'm neither for nor against apathy

Today I managed to make it to work without falling asleep once. I blinked more than enough, but I did not fall asleep. Not that I noticed anyway.
Work was as it usually is, fixed something I'd done wrong and then welded stuff. Actually managed to do some really good looking weld, of the sort I haven't done much, and it seems that I've learned to take it a bit easier when things go wrong. I don't blow a fuse for one bit of weld going wrong. Is good. Less stress on me. I still wonder though. Today I really did a good weld. Looked better than any others. Stared at it and pondered on such. Idunno if I should consider myself good, I dunno if I should be content on it and it does surprise me at times, what I can do once I really put my mind to it.
I suppose I should put my mind more strongly to getting better. A part of me is very tired now. The part that I keep hidden. I try and try and I guess that's the problem. I force myself to stay up and about when I really would need to just let my feelings go. I don't wish to work, I'm tired of work even though I like it, but in my eyes I _have_ to work, or I'm not worthy. Worthy of what, I dunno.