I'm neither for nor against apathy

Well, I did get something to do for new year after all. Went to Mikko's place first. Chatted with him, drank some and was preparing for a evening with him and his friends. Antti called me then and I went downtown to spend some time there. A nice time chatting and listening. Caught a ride by Silver (apparently that's his real name), Mikko's friend, and we went to see the fireworks. Was great and we picked about the best spot possible. Could feel every explosion and it was beautiful. After that it was back to Perno to Silver's place. Saw their rats and got to pet them and they had a very beautiful orange snake as well. Two non-nerds started installing eyetoy on the computer, took over an hour for them to finish. We melted some tin to check the future and then played the karate game and other things with the eyetoy. In the end, before people started falling asleep, we went to fire some rockets and the longer it took the more rockets we tried to fire at the same time, I think it was four that we managed to fire by using a axe can and a lighter to create a flamethrower. After that it was to Mikko's, talk a lot and pass out before waking up and taking a taxi home.
Now I'm sitting here, feeling a bit off. I'm confused. I'm tired for I have to go to work again, yet I don't know if I truly am tired. Do I wish this? I feel like crying, really, and I do as well before I manage to numb myself again. I'd really really need to go see the nurse I visit every week so she could help me clear my thoughts, but I won't be meeting her till 9th and I'm not sure if I can last that long. I'm not sure of anything. So many feelings going on inside me and I keep trying to block them and I keep acting as I have been constantly, to others and to myself. I'm so confused. I wish someone could help.