I'm neither for nor against apathy

Still haven't gotten the paper from my boss, though, as I called him yesterday, he promised to send it. If I won't get it by tomorrow I'll call and tell him I'll come and fetch it myself. Starting to be annoying.
I was invited to a friend's birthday party in Orimattila next Saturday. I didn't really seem to have any choice on going, with no cash and all that. Now mom has promised to arrange Uuno's ashes away from her apartment so I could sleep over and would give me money. I could go and see old friends, get blasted and it would not cost a thing to me. Suddenly I'm deadly afraid of the whole thing. It was easier to deal with not going, but not having met them in over three years, leaves me afraid somehow. My mind is stressing over the situation. If I should go or not. Mom's expecting me and they're as well. I don't know if I'll dare to go. This fear is just irrational. Thinking about it constantly does not make it more rational.
I feel just nuts at time when I pay attention to my own behaviour. Will speak to the shrink about this fear tomorrow and she'll more than likely tell me that it's my choice to make. Hopefully though she can shed some light on why I'm so afraid.
This is foolish.