Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I finally got the decision from social services that I'll be getting money. I suppose I should cheer as it's a rather important thing, but well. I'll at least manage to go on with eating and such.
I'm rather lonely nowadays. Missing some friendships and all that junk. Got invited to a birthday party at Orimattila again. Doubt I'll go there. Grown so far apart from that place. Nothing there for me anymore. They're not something I'd consider friends. Just people I know. If a friend of mine invited me over, it'd be a different matter all together.
Summer's nearing. Been cycling outdoors and waiting till it'll be ok to start rollerblading again. Not getting as much pleasure out of those things than I've usually done. Dunno why. Feel a bit numb all over.
Been thinking of asking local friends of they're going out and if I could squeeze in, but always decided not to. I should not drink alcohol. I want to. Should not. Relaxing with familiar people around me would be fun though and in my book some alcohol does go in to it. Hell, I don't know how to relax without.
I suppose that's all that's happened lately. So there's no doubt about the fact that my life's nonexistent and thus also rather boring.
I'll just go with the flow.
I'm rather lonely nowadays. Missing some friendships and all that junk. Got invited to a birthday party at Orimattila again. Doubt I'll go there. Grown so far apart from that place. Nothing there for me anymore. They're not something I'd consider friends. Just people I know. If a friend of mine invited me over, it'd be a different matter all together.
Summer's nearing. Been cycling outdoors and waiting till it'll be ok to start rollerblading again. Not getting as much pleasure out of those things than I've usually done. Dunno why. Feel a bit numb all over.
Been thinking of asking local friends of they're going out and if I could squeeze in, but always decided not to. I should not drink alcohol. I want to. Should not. Relaxing with familiar people around me would be fun though and in my book some alcohol does go in to it. Hell, I don't know how to relax without.
I suppose that's all that's happened lately. So there's no doubt about the fact that my life's nonexistent and thus also rather boring.
I'll just go with the flow.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Ei nyt jaksa kääntää edes ajatuksia toiselle kielelle. Vittu, että ottaa päähän. Teen kaikkeni, metsästän paperit pomolta ja kaiken mahd mitä käsketään, kerään. Työkkärille kelpasi, liitto tahtoo vielä yhden paperin josta eivät maininneet ja jos nyt nopeasti toimitan, niin silti saisin ehkä neljän päivän rahat korkeintaan. Sossussa sanoin, että tarvitsen rahaa _nyt_, niin saan kuulla, että jos täytän paperit ja toimitan niin ehkä kahden viikon päästä käsittelyyn.
Sama mitä teen. Seison päälläni ja jonlöörään samalla, kun tarvii rahaan, niin silti ei tule. Tappelen tätä elämää varten ja en kyllä tiedä miksi. Tämä on täyttä paskaa. Keittää yli pahasti nyt. Miksi helvetissä tässä on ja jatkaa. Inhoan.
Paskaa.
Sama mitä teen. Seison päälläni ja jonlöörään samalla, kun tarvii rahaan, niin silti ei tule. Tappelen tätä elämää varten ja en kyllä tiedä miksi. Tämä on täyttä paskaa. Keittää yli pahasti nyt. Miksi helvetissä tässä on ja jatkaa. Inhoan.
Paskaa.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Still haven't gotten the paper from my boss, though, as I called him yesterday, he promised to send it. If I won't get it by tomorrow I'll call and tell him I'll come and fetch it myself. Starting to be annoying.
I was invited to a friend's birthday party in Orimattila next Saturday. I didn't really seem to have any choice on going, with no cash and all that. Now mom has promised to arrange Uuno's ashes away from her apartment so I could sleep over and would give me money. I could go and see old friends, get blasted and it would not cost a thing to me. Suddenly I'm deadly afraid of the whole thing. It was easier to deal with not going, but not having met them in over three years, leaves me afraid somehow. My mind is stressing over the situation. If I should go or not. Mom's expecting me and they're as well. I don't know if I'll dare to go. This fear is just irrational. Thinking about it constantly does not make it more rational.
I feel just nuts at time when I pay attention to my own behaviour. Will speak to the shrink about this fear tomorrow and she'll more than likely tell me that it's my choice to make. Hopefully though she can shed some light on why I'm so afraid.
This is foolish.
I was invited to a friend's birthday party in Orimattila next Saturday. I didn't really seem to have any choice on going, with no cash and all that. Now mom has promised to arrange Uuno's ashes away from her apartment so I could sleep over and would give me money. I could go and see old friends, get blasted and it would not cost a thing to me. Suddenly I'm deadly afraid of the whole thing. It was easier to deal with not going, but not having met them in over three years, leaves me afraid somehow. My mind is stressing over the situation. If I should go or not. Mom's expecting me and they're as well. I don't know if I'll dare to go. This fear is just irrational. Thinking about it constantly does not make it more rational.
I feel just nuts at time when I pay attention to my own behaviour. Will speak to the shrink about this fear tomorrow and she'll more than likely tell me that it's my choice to make. Hopefully though she can shed some light on why I'm so afraid.
This is foolish.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
This will be something no one cares about, but I found it l337 info on my main WoW character feur.
So that's it for being nerdy. I finally caught one of my bosses on phone and will be receiving the paper I need by mail. Else I would have been calling them every day. Suppose they found that easier. So now I have all the papers I need for the unemployment office and will actually begin receiving some actual cash again and won't have to eat student food all the time.
I'm feeling quite good due to tasks sorted out again. Hopefully for good as I'd have to continue fighting with these this again. I think I've gone though enough problems already. Life should be a bit more friendly at times.
Only thing that feels off right now, is the fact that I'm lonely. I can go alone for a while, but occationally it does get boring and frustrating. I've got WoW. That's not exactly much of a life that I've been working for. Such it goes.
So that's it for being nerdy. I finally caught one of my bosses on phone and will be receiving the paper I need by mail. Else I would have been calling them every day. Suppose they found that easier. So now I have all the papers I need for the unemployment office and will actually begin receiving some actual cash again and won't have to eat student food all the time.
I'm feeling quite good due to tasks sorted out again. Hopefully for good as I'd have to continue fighting with these this again. I think I've gone though enough problems already. Life should be a bit more friendly at times.
Only thing that feels off right now, is the fact that I'm lonely. I can go alone for a while, but occationally it does get boring and frustrating. I've got WoW. That's not exactly much of a life that I've been working for. Such it goes.
